Historians will have fun with this guy

When we finally left school, we took with us a final grade average. If we were lucky, we got out of college with an average in the high three-point-whatever range. Even though most of us can’t brag about a 4.0, those numbers mean something. And with that on the table, I believe Donald John Trump earned maybe a 2.1 average for his four years of on-the-job training and golfing.

Let’s do a quick review of his missteps and failures, starting with public relations. Trump’s positive approval rating never exceeded 47%, which meaning 53% of Americans never thought he was particularly good as president. On the last day in office, that approval rating had fallen to 39%.

According to the internet, Trump incited an insurrection, mismanaged a pandemic that killed nearly half a million Americans, separated children from their families at the border and then lost those kids in the bowels of bureaucracy, tear-gassed peaceful protesters on Lafayette Square for a stupid photo op while holding a Bible in front of a church, tried to block all Muslims from entering the country, got impeached, got impeached again, had the worst jobs record of any president in modern history, pressured Ukraine to dig up dirt on Joe Biden, fired the FBI director for investigating his ties to Russia, bragged about firing the FBI director, took Vladimir Putin’s word over the US intelligence community, diverted military funding to build his wall and caused the longest government shutdown in US history. Whew!

But what about his style? Shouldn’t he get some points for being different? After all, he called Black Lives Matter a “symbol of hate,” lied nearly 30,000 times, banned transgender people from serving in the military, ejected reporters who asked tough questions from the White House briefing room, vetoed the defense funding bill because it would rename military bases with Confederate monikers, refused to release his tax returns, increased the national debt by nearly eight trillion dollars, had three of the highest annual trade deficits in US history, called veterans and soldiers who died in combat losers and suckers and coddled the leader of Saudi Arabia after he ordered the execution and dismembering of a US-based journalist. Those aren’t really bad things, are they?

Maybe we need to focus on the way he stepped up to take dramatic action. Consider that he refused to concede the 2020 election, hired his unqualified daughter and son-in-law to work in the White House, walked out of an interview with Lesley Stahl, called neo-Nazis “very fine people,” suggested people should inject bleach into their bodies to fight COVID, abandoned our allies the Kurds while siding with Turkey, pushed through massive tax cuts for the wealthiest without helping working Americans, incited anti-lockdown protestors in several states at the height of the pandemic, withdrew the US from the Paris climate accords, withdrew the US from the Iranian nuclear deal and withdrew the US from the Trans Pacific Partnership which was designed to block China’s advances. Okay, maybe he didn’t always make the best decisions, but let’s not forget that he showed up for work every day, well, at least on Twitter.

Donald Trump worked effectively at making sure the United States was always in the front row. He pushed the leader of Montenegro out of the way during a photo op, failed to reiterate US commitment to defending NATO allies, called Haiti and African nations “shithole” countries, called the city of Baltimore the “worst in the nation,” claimed that he single handedly brought back the phrase “Merry Christmas,” even though it hadn’t gone anywhere, forced his Cabinet members to praise him publicly like some cult leader, believed he should be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, berated and belittled his hand-picked Attorney General when he recused himself from the Russia probe and suggested the US buy Greenland. Pushing to the front and colonizing another country sure sounds like leadership to me.

His grade should’ve been higher because he picked the “best people,” but he didn’t get the credit because the press refused to point out all the great things he did. In retaliation, he repeatedly called the media “enemies of the people.” He also claimed that if we tested fewer people for COVID we’d have fewer cases, violated the emoluments clause, thought that “Nambia” was a country, told Bob Woodward in private that the coronavirus was a big deal but then downplayed it in public, called his exceedingly faithful Vice President a “pussy” for following the Constitution, nearly got us into a war with Iran after tweet-threatening them, nominated a corrupt head of the EPA, nominated a corrupt head of HHS, nominated a corrupt head of the Interior Department, nominated a corrupt head of the USDA, praised dictators and authoritarians around the world while criticizing allies. See, even though more than 180 people were fired, forced to resign, or left in disgust, he always did have the “best people.”

He was constantly out there fighting for the little guy and was falsely accused of being a “racist,” when he was just maybe a little into racism. Sure, he called a U.S. Senator “Pocahontas,” used a racist dog whistle by calling COVID the “China virus,” hired and associated with numerous shady figures, including his campaign manager and national security adviser who were eventually convicted of federal offenses, pardoned several of his dubious associates, gave the Presidential Medal of Freedom to two Congressmen who amplified his batshit crazy conspiracy theories and awarded Rush Limbaugh the Presidential Medal of Freedom because he was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. Shouldn’t he get extra points because he honored a hateful misogynistic and racist talk show host?

Back From Tulsa

We should consider that Trump was honest a few times, well, not that often, but let’s not forget how he got played by Kim Jung Un and his “love letters,” threatened to go after social media companies in clear violation of the Constitution, botched the response to Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico, threw paper towels at Puerto Ricans when he finally did visit them, pressured the governor and secretary of state of Georgia to “find” him votes, thought that the Virgin islands had a President, drew on a map with a Sharpie to justify his inaccurate tweet that Alabama was threatened by a hurricane and allowed White House staff to use personal email accounts for official businesses after blasting Hillary Clinton for doing the same thing. He sure put the hippo in hypocritical!

If this all seems bad, there’s much more. I could go on and on but that would lower his grade to FAILED. There was that time he forced Secret Service agents to drive him around Walter Reed Hospital while contagious with COVID and that fantastic presidential debate line telling the Proud Boys to “stand back and stand by,” which they did. How did he manage to fuck up both the Census and the US Postal Service in one term? He also withdrew the US from the World Health Organization in the middle of a pandemic and did so few of his duties in his last three months that his daily schedule stated, “President Trump will work from early in the morning until late in the evening. He will make many calls and have many meetings.”

Then he finally left. Should he ever be allowed back in considering those terrible grades? After all, he’s not a minority. Equal opportunity policies don’t apply to fat, white liars.

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